So there’s this whole living together thing. It’s still pretty new for me, and I’m feeling my way around, trying not to step on toes…find a good balance for everyone involved. Now me, I’m not a feeling my way around kind of gal. I’m a bull in a china shop kind of gal. Head first, all elbows and knees, hope they have insurance kind of gal. Living with someone is not what I had ever foreseen for myself again. Married and divorced and giving Zsa Zsa Gabor a run for her money early on pretty much burned that out of me. Being a single mom with two little girls, very little at the time, one with severe special needs…there was no time for anyone else. There was barely time for us, let alone someone new. Dating was off the books for years. A few years became 5, then 6 turned into 7. Maybe it was just habit after so long, being alone. Just me and the Peanuts. If we wanted Corn Flakes for dinner, we had it. If we wanted to leave the dishes in the sink (this particular “we” was me), they stayed there. If the bank account was overdrawn (this happened a lot, but certainly not because I wanted it to be) it was nobody’s fault but my own. It was easy to let one year slip into another. The kids were so little and needed so much..it would have been unfair to try to bring someone else into our lives. To us and him. Then year 8 hit and with it a revelation…I was lonely. Me? Really? How could I be lonely? I had zero time to myself, I liked sleeping in the middle of the bed with the cat and all of the pillows. I liked not shaving my legs for a week at a time. Hey, we’re in Maine..we need that hair to keep us warm and to hold up our socks. True story. I had my girls, work, a very loving family that I adore, but are all very far away. How could I be lonely? Maybe it had something to do with Christmas coming that year. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to Christmas shop with? Maybe go see a movie once in a while with? I won’t bore you with the details, but Mark came along and I knew I was sunk. No more sleeping in the middle of the bed (this is a lie. I still do it and he lets me.) No more not shaving my legs for a week. (I don’t think he’d say a thing..he’s too sweet and too polite.) He was in like Flynn and not going anywhere.
Fast forward a couple of years and here we are. We moved into the new house back in July and it has been ridiculously wrinkle-free. It helps that this is the most zen, laid-back man you will ever meet. We have never, EVER had a fight. I have never, EVER heard him raise his voice. When I am riding the crazy train and headed off the rails, he settles my ass down with a few wise words and a hug. He’s so mellow and loving, so very patient and good. While it’s an amazing gift and blessing for the girls to have someone like that to love them, it’s just as good for me..because I tend to get wound up and WORRY A LOT AND WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE AND OMG THIS IS AN EXCELLENT TIME TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT. I do that a lot. Over just about anything. (Hi Mom & Dad! Aren’t you glad you don’t have to take those phone calls any more? Yay, Mark!)
Me: OMG MARK THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT CAME ON IN MY CAR OH HOLY JESUS WHAT NOW? WHAT IF IT BLOWS UP WITH THE GIRLS IN IT? GOD DAMNED SWEDES AND THEIR “SAFE” FAMILY SEDANS!
Him: OK, don’t worry about it right this minute. I’ll take a look at it. If it needs to go in we’ll take it in..no big deal.
Me: OMG MARK! I HAVE THIS SPOT RIGHT HERE WHAT IS IT OMG IT’S CANCER I KNOW IT IS..LOOK! LOOK AT MY CANCER SPOT!
Him: You don’t have cancer. You’re very healthy, there is not a thing wrong with you and that spot is a piece of chocolate.
Me: OMG MARK! I KNOW THAT I TOTALLY HAVE ADULT ADHD! I CAN BARELY STRING TWO….Hey, look, ducks! (This was an actual word for word conversation we had last week)
Him: Laughing too hard to answer me.
So, as you can see…he’s a pretty good leveler for me. I was worried about settling all of us into a new life together. I shouldn’t have been. He busts his butt 6 or more days a week, has a work ethic that would put Mr. Scrooge to shame and still comes home smiling every day. He is grateful for the tiny things..a fresh drink, a tissue if he’s stuffy..he’s grateful and he tells me. Huh. Go figure. He always has time for the girls, a long-winded story about all things 10 year old girl from Mad..a quiet exchange with Hallee, who always tells him, “Good kiss, Mark. I love you.” He lets me decorate to my taste and always says he loves it. He eats whatever I cook, even when it’s questionable and tells me it’s wonderful. So, was 8 years too long to wait? Did I waste time being alone? No, I don’t think so. Because now I appreciate it for what it is. I see the gift that I have and am very grateful for another chance. Even if he leaves his dirty socks directly in front of the washing machine every single day instead of putting them in it.
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Update…I just showed Mark this post and he said, “I do not leave my socks in front of the washing machine every day”. Mmm hmm.
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